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NAD deficiency - is this a major issue for vA toxicity/detox?
Some people need alone time and it's fine to say no sometimes. However, let me tell you, you can take hermit-ness too far. I like to study the quotes from the ancient stoics, and I forget who said this one that I wrote down in my notebook. I've yet to live up to it:
If I am not for me, who is? If I only think about me, who am I?
I personally think that good works help health.
The quote speaks of balance, too.
@lil-chick it is not about being alone. It is about not letting people to take advantage of you.. Which is easy to fix if it is some "friend". But much harder if it is a family member/s who live with you/next to you..
Quote from Jiří on December 2, 2023, 12:16 pm@inger wow so you have it crazy as well. I don't blame them for my health issues. I did many stupid errors myself. But now they are preventing me from healing basically. So the only solution is to just move ASAP. So I have some time to regain as much health as I can. Because once my parents will have serious issues and will need help with daily things I have to be there for them. Without them I would be dead right now that's for sure. Because during my worst I couldn't work. So I was years without money and without living with my parents I would already killed myself for sure.. So helping my parents to die somewhat comfortably with me on their side and disappear again..
@jiri yeah.. I do have it a bit crazy as well. All situations have their plus and minuses though. The older I get the more I realize it. The coin always has two sides. If I run away from one problem, another problem will appear. Its gonna be as bad or worse, just different. So I decided to stop running anywhere and just face anything instead.
My parents are christian fundamentalists so to say.. and that is hard for me to accept at times.. but hey what choice do I have. I guess the biggest gift we can give to each other is to accept we are who we are and that is great! Parents do the best they can/could and nobody is perfect. Its great to have family because family always helps if there is some problems, and they know each other. But also its the most annoying because they are tied to our childhood trauma.
I am seeing my time here now by my parents house, as a special occasion to deep dive into the root of my trauma because I get it shoveled in my face every day 😉
so I thought I might as well heal it. forever and for all. Now or never ;). Then I can move on. How that is going to look I have no idea but I am not concerned about that yet. I just want to break the cycle of running away from my own inner pain that I used to do all my life.
Quote from lil chick on December 2, 2023, 4:52 pmSome people need alone time and it's fine to say no sometimes. However, let me tell you, you can take hermit-ness too far. I like to study the quotes from the ancient stoics, and I forget who said this one that I wrote down in my notebook. I've yet to live up to it:
If I am not for me, who is? If I only think about me, who am I?
I personally think that good works help health.
The quote speaks of balance, too.
Balance is what is the hardest. To only say yes, or only say no, are both equally shitty lol. But its the balanced way that also is the hardest. Especially if you feel overwhelmed, in one way or another. From body broken down or mental stress.
I recently read about highly sensitive people and - as I did the test, I had almost all the signs. We just feel stronger than 80% of the population and that has its good and bad sides too. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/highly-sensitive-person
When you know you are a highly sensitive person you just have to arrange your life to be according to your needs = nothing much happens... lol (because there happens so much in life even if we are not trying, at least in my life so far huh)
@inger Well if I have any trauma it is due to helping with taking care of my both grandmas. I was in age where I should enjoy life, but instead I had my own health issues and on top of that dealing with slowly deteriorating health of my grandmas over the years. I developed even some type of PTSD from it where I don't want any new very close people in my life. Because I would be worried about them and I would also worry that at some point I would have take care of them again. I am simply tired of it all and I often wish I was alone. So I don't have to worry about someones health or take care of someone.. Most importantly if you want to be person who can take care of people, be helpful etc.. you need to take care of yourself first. You need to be healthy so you can handle this massive stress of life. Which I am not at this point. So I just need my own space. So I can deal with my issues..
Quote from Jiří on December 4, 2023, 9:44 am@inger Well if I have any trauma it is due to helping with taking care of my both grandmas. I was in age where I should enjoy life, but instead I had my own health issues and on top of that dealing with slowly deteriorating health of my grandmas over the years. I developed even some type of PTSD from it where I don't want any new very close people in my life. Because I would be worried about them and I would also worry that at some point I would have take care of them again. I am simply tired of it all and I often wish I was alone. So I don't have to worry about someones health or take care of someone.. Most importantly if you want to be person who can take care of people, be helpful etc.. you need to take care of yourself first. You need to be healthy so you can handle this massive stress of life. Which I am not at this point. So I just need my own space. So I can deal with my issues..
@jiri, oh wow... that must have been very traumatic for you. You were way too young for that sort of responsibility.
I get that PTSD developing. I have a little similar issues, from having to take care of my 10 younger siblings. We were 15 and we older had to function as a mum almost. I loved my siblings more than anything... but the task was too hard at times and when something went wrong, someone got lost etc we were spanked, which hurt a lot, in addition to unbearable fear when a small sibling got lost - double hurt.
I guess you and I both have a similar issue developed from that, we have sort of a helping syndrome. Being very likable, people love us. But the NO part totally fails. I really have had to work with that. It kinda evolved to second nature, taking care of others. Its hard to break... pleasing others and trying to help, when not being able to help one self. I so agree we have to help ourselves first, and then we are able to help others intelligently, if it is needed. At least we will be able to say no.
Quote from Jiří on December 4, 2023, 11:17 am
@jiri, why did not your grandmas kids help their parents?
You are right about that it is different to take care of old persons versus kids. Why could your grandparents not go to a nursing home? That is what they have here, there they get the help they need. You must have really not wanted to do it, and that is why it was so wrong you had to.
People should not be pushed to do these things. That is not right. Everything we do needs to be done out of free will and because we want to. Freedom is above anything else in my opinion. Love can also only be out of freedom. Love IS freedom. I am only going to take care of my parents if that is needed, if I want to do it. Otherwise they go to nursing home.
I believe you are a high sensitive person and that is why A. it felt so bad to change diapers and take care of dying person - and B. you was not able to say no. I went to nurse school as a 19 yo but it was a really bad decision. I hated the training in nursing home. It was horror for me. I am way too sensitive. That is why I choose to work as a waitress instead. Suited me so much better, I love that work. One of my sisters, work as a nurse with old people and she loves it. But she is a very different person.
@inger because their kids were living in different place, working. I was the only one able to help because I was living there and due to my health issues I had no full time job.. One grandma was in nursing home at some point for some time. I don't know exactly why she was there. Obviously they wanted to be home. Not in nursing home where they don't feel good and don't know anyone. You can't do that to your parent, grandparents to just throw them away. Ultimately sitting home and thinking about my grandma being alone somewhere is much worse than take care of her.. If the person has some end stage of dementia and has no ideal what is going on that is different thing, but when she can think clearly just her body is not working. I mean who can just throw them away in the moment when they need you the most.. It is unthinkable to me.. But still I feel like I failed. Because at the end they were in hospital and I should visit them, but I didn't. Which I regret a lot that I was a coward.. Anyway this is of topic like crazy so we should stop this.. 🙂