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Rachel's log
@jaj Thank you, you are very kind. Your posts have helped me a lot. Probably not surprising since we seem to have a lot in common. I'm was really sorry to hear about your current problems, I hope you find a way to heal from them. I think you are so right in that we need to limit collatoral damage. I wish I had known to do things differently. It seems we are having to learn things the hard way!
I have liver function tests 3 - 4 times a year - part of monitoring my haemochromatosis, and the last couple of times my ALT was high. It will be interesting to see what difference adding the eggs makes. No idea what my triglycerides are doing.
I've been reading the chapter on PEMT in Dirty Genes - you recommended it on a different thread. Very helpful.
I actually struggle with heart math. I tried the heart locking exercise but I struggle to keep my mind focused on positive things. I start off trying to connect with the way I love someone and then it morphs into my fear of losing them. Yes I'm rather a catastrophiser. Someone is late and I have them in a fatal car crash. So I went looking for other methods.
https://lonerwolf.com/vagus-nerve-exercises/ I like the ones under heading 5 "Vagus Nerve Exercises To Rewire Your Brain From Anxiety" These are variations of eye movement exercises that I find really quick and easy. As I have trouble breaking away from things I am doing / interuptions, these suit me as they only take a minute. I needed exercises I would persist with.
I usually do 10 - 12 minutes of breathwork on waking. Around 6 breaths a minute is supposed to be good for vagal tone and a longer out breath than in so I breathe in for 4 seconds and out for 6. (I have a ticking clock track on my ipod which helps me keep time.)
Another one I do that is powerful for me is: a double in breath (breath in quickly and then try to breath in a bit more) followed by a slow out breathe (I purse my lips like you would to whistle and breath out like that). I do 2-3 of those. This is also my go to post melt down remedy - it brings me back down quicker than anything else. Don't do it lots of times in a row though.
This talk is where I learned this technique, he calls it a physiological sigh. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntfcfJ28eiU He starts talking about it at around 25 mins and demonstrates it quickly at 31 mins. He might talk about it more I just did a quick search for it. I tend to do this once or twice a day.
I sometimes do some alternate nostril breathing.
I've have a book "Daily Vagus Nerve exercises" by Reiner Hartmann which lists lots of different exercises. I didn't find it added a lot though and have stuck largely with those I already mentioned. I may go back to it for some variety.
I sometimes do humming which I enjoy but I have to be careful as it also slows my breathing down and can trigger a detox headache. I looked up some singalong songs on youtube as well which were fun but again triggered a bit of a detox headache. I'm so ridiculously sensitive to these things. I do need to work on my breathing but not whilst I'm changing anything else.
I will be careful with the baths. I have chronic low blood pressure but it is stable and I'm well adjusted to it. All the same I can get a bit of a drop post bath so I am careful not to go too hot and tend to lie down whilst I cool off.
Mini update.
I was too enthusiastic about the eggs and over did things. After a brief rest from them I have eased back and am eating 1 egg every 3 days or so.
Regarding ongoing heart palpitations. I have gone away for a few days and decided only to take the bare minimum of supplements which for me is really only the B1 which I take twice a week. I am also keeping going with the Epsom Salt baths three times a week. I am not applying the topical MgCl that I have been using daily for several years. My palpitations have resolved! Best guess is too much magnesium.
I might test it out when I get back home to be sure.
Thank you for sharing your observations. It seems eggs can be pretty intense. 💛🌼 I hope you have gotten to the bottom of the palpitation problem; it’s nice when a simple change can make such a big difference!
Thanks Puddleduck,
An interesting article. Inadvertently my limited diet goes along with Chris's advice so that's a bonus!
I've changed focus at the moment away from diet and health. I am following a programme called Dynamic Neural Retraining System, which focuses on the brain and limbic system in particular. I think my threat system is so activated/elevated at the moment that until that changes my health is not going to change, it's simply not conducive to healing.
I realised that pretty much all my attention was on my health (or more acurately my poor health) and that the more I've strived to fix this over the years the more I've declined. Doing more of the same was unlikely to change anything.
Although I think it highly likely I had VA toxicity and that being aware of VA in food is good on the whole, it just gave me one more thing to fixate on and to fear. And for me that wasn't helpful.
I'm starting to see changes mentally and emotionally. I'm calmer and happier and far more positive. Hopefully in time I will see physical changes as well.
I'm going to leave it there because on the whole I am avoiding social media and forums because I find them too triggering at the moment.
Thanks for thinking of me and I hope you are doing well.
Ah! 😂 Well it’s cool that Chris’s perspective kinda validates what you’d already figured out. 🙂 But yeah, I also hope I didn’t inspire any...uh...fear around manganese overload either. 😬 *insert facepalm meme* Sorry, Rachel.
I am absolutely delighted to hear you have made this shift in focus and are feeling a positive change with regards to your outlook and mood. That is such a big deal! 😃🥳 And really inspiring, I must emphasize. 😊 💛🌻☀️
Being able to enjoy the moment—no matter who you are but especially when dealing with physical limitations or chronic illness—is such a precious gift.
The way you describe the “striving mode” (a.k.a. threat system activation) as this quest, almost, of seeking the next thing to “fixate on and to fear” is such an insightful way of looking at that pattern... It’s one of my patterns, too, even though I have practiced stepping out of it over and over...it remains a “comfort zone” (a.k.a. coping mechanism) during times of stress, because it is an approach that has seemed to “work” or at least “help” in the past...
...all that to say, I relate so much to what you’re learning and can see how approaching it from a neuroplasticity perspective makes sense!
I’ve noticed that sometimes focusing on future outcomes (“if this, then” or leaning too much into the realm of fantasy to escape present pain) can hinder my development of presence in the now. So it is such a good example you’re setting by protecting your energy from triggers in the present, and (it sounds like?) hoping for physical changes without the pressure of a time limit.
My takeaway question from what you’ve shared above is: what does it feel like when I shift my focus from aspects of my health that are poor, towards the areas of wellness I do enjoy in the present? This shift always feels good to me...my awareness and acceptance of the fear of uncertainty I sometimes feel when focusing on persistent symptoms—a fear that can lead to feeling “stuck” in “analysis paralysis”—expands to include trust in love to guide me into productive action. 🙂
Anyway, thank you so much for sharing this beautiful update, @rachel! 😁 I appreciate learning about the DN Retraining System, too, and will listen to some of Annie Hooper’s lectures. Sending wholehearted support and peaceful energy your way! 🌼🕊
I identify with being too wrapped up in health. I already realized that before I arrived here and why I never got on the fast boat. I wonder if it is an expression of being female (who were often nurturing a child in the womb or on the breast for much of the ages between 18-48). I also wonder if it is mis-directed mothering (because we'd be doing that for our whole lives, and many women have fewer babies now, or none). And of course with the VA toxicity you never feel quite right and you know you are doing something wrong.
@lil-chick I don’t identify with the mis-directed mothering idea at all. Evolutionary psychology is not my jam, though. 😝 For me, the tendency towards entering the fight/flight state comes from having a high ACE score (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and the trauma of suddenly becoming disabled with chronic illness as a teen.
Some people die of CFS/ME. It’s not hypochondria. For me, it felt as though I had a concussion, like out of the blue. And no doctors knew it was CFS/ME and POTS for a long time...That’s a really scary thing for a teen to experience. So I don’t judge the fear, either. It’s a normal emotion, a normal response. I would’ve had babies young if I hadn’t gotten sick, as that was normal in my religious subculture, so the way that plays into my story is that I experienced isolation instead...since co-regulation in community is very much how we relax emotionally as human beings, that exacerbates internalized ableism and the fear response, too, really.
I get you puddle ducky! I didn't feel well enough to go and have the amount of kids I wanted. I wish now that I just blundered through it. I totally get that these diseases aren't in our minds, and it makes me mad when people suggest it.
I just like to study ancestry and can see that women were amazing at something they don't do anymore, and wonder where all that superpower goes when it isn't being used... Dr. Mom trying to nudge 10 delicate beings into adulthood... with live/die consequences. Not to mention also taking care of the sick and old right there in the home.
I get sad when I hear that Barbie movie song "What am I made for?". Because I think the answer lies here. When you study ancestry, you can see what the women in your tree managed to accomplish...I think it took special built-in talents that are now looking for something to nuture and worry over. With much of this healer-role removed... perhaps we doctor/stress about ourselves, our spouse and our pets more than we should.
And in the olden days if a woman decided to work outside the home, she often was still nurturing people in some sort of paid role. (like nursing).
I once read an article online, lost now, about a woman who had been very sick and neurotic about her health and hit bottom money-wise and took a job as a waitress just to survive. She began to eat the diner's pies and other foods which tasted so good to her (which she would have never eaten on her health kicks), fell in love with the dishwasher, found community with the regulars, and expended no energy worrying about her health. She suddenly realized she felt more well than ever.
My opinion might be that we often make ourselves Sicker trying to make ourselves Weller. And that talents unused might also draw down a sort of sickness of their own. Stuck chi or something, LOL.